A second child is an integral part of family planning for many couples. But when is the right time? The answer to this is always – or never – because there …
A second child is an integral part of family planning for many couples. But when is the right time? The answer to this is always – or never – because there are just as many reasons for and against talking about turning the existing single child into a sibling.
Children cost money, do a lot of work, and bring unrest and stress to life – in return, it’s just wonderful to have children around and see how they see the world. This is just as wonderful with the second child and yet very different, because every person is completely individual. Father Joy wants to give some guidance here, so that you decide when the second child should come, something easier.
Basic thoughts on the second child
Children cost money – and a lot. This will not be less with the second child – but there are various state aids that at least partially relieve financial burden.
The second child significantly changes the lifestyle. Two children are less likely to accommodate grandparents or other relatives and a three-room apartment is not enough in the long term – even the car may be too small and it must be purchased a new, more spacious.
It is commonly said that the second children are easier to care for. That’s sometimes true, but not always.
Many purchases made on the first child can be used again on number two.
After the – in any case exhausting – initial phase with baby and toddler, there are times when two children are quite relieving. They can engage well with each other, the parents have more time for everyday life and for themselves.
With the first child, parents learn an awful lot – they can apply that knowledge to the second child and thus react much more relaxed .
About the right time
Is there a right time for a child? There are always many reasons against it, rather few for it, because a child does not have any real “benefits” per se. If a second child is planned, however, the following prerequisites should be met in principle:
The living conditions are reasonably stable, especially in material terms. Of course it can change at any time, but pregnancy, childbirth and even the first few months of life are more relaxed when the child is born into a secure phase of life.
What is the situation at work? Is it – and this often affects the mothers – that one is prepared to defer career development and stay home for the child?
How well is the partner after the first birth? A regeneration phase for the woman’s body is important; Often there is also the need to have the body for a while completely for yourself.
And what about you? Are you ready to give up your wife for a long time? The couple relationship and often the sex come too short after the first child. If a second is added, this situation will not necessarily improve.
Parents and also the already existing child should be alive and well. This is by no means a piece of advice not to have another child if there is a member with a serious or chronic illness in the family. Nevertheless, one should then consider carefully whether the strength is sufficient for another child.
Is there the perfect age difference?
Yes and no. Every age difference between children has advantages and disadvantages: If the children are only one and a half to two years apart, parents can be happy, because at some point the children will also be playmates. On the other hand, the sibling rivalry is particularly pronounced at this age gap and you should prepare for fierce fighting. The burden on the parents is high at this time anyway, since two small children need to be cared for.
It is easier if the distance is three to four years. The children can still play with each other, rivalries are rarer, because the big child is already more sensible and no longer so reliant on the parents. This distance is generally considered optimal.
If the age difference is more than four years, there is a high probability that the children will not really be able to interact with each other. Recreational activities also often become difficult as the needs and interests of large and small children are very different. By contrast, you will be a lot calmer and more able to master the effort of having a baby.
Children are something wonderful – all parents know that. In considering whether and when the second child fits into life, one should also be guided, but not exclusively, by the logical mind. As well as external factors, one can discuss and brood about the “right” age difference forever. You want a baby now and your partner is the same? Then you should – unless really serious reasons speak against it – not hesitate too long and fulfill this dream.